Re-read your own lessons

In NLP meta-programs are in charge of the way we understand information. They help us to form an internal presentation of the outside world and direct our behavior. They help us to understand ourselves better and others as well. Understanding them helps us to change our beliefs and behavior that doesn’t help us reach our goal. At first we need to be aware, in order to be able to change them so that they can work in our favor. The better we get to know ourselves, the better we can rule ourselves.

Entire human behavior revolves around the urge to feel the pleasure or avoid pain. We are moving our hand away from the burning match in order not to burn ourselves. We sit down and watch a beautiful sunset because we are enjoying the magnificent sight of a day slipping into night. – Tony Robbins

We can use these lenses to understand whether someone is motivated by escaping pain or the drive towards wellbeing. It is important to point out that our meta-programs depend on thecontext. For example, they can be completely different for us at work and in our relationships with our friends or family members. They don’t present who we are (identitet), but how we function in a given moment and given situation (behavior).

Everything that annoys us or inspires us when it comes to others may lead us towards understanding ourselves. We tell to the others what we would like to say to ourselves.

What we say and what we do isn’t a coincidence.

When clients ask me for advice in meetings, I often ask them to tell me what their goal is. What do they want to achieve? Then they can simply compare their desired course of action with that and get a clear answer whether they should do something or not. This is something that I often forget to do myself. I start doing things without a clear goal in my mind, hoping that everything would turn out to be exactly the way it supposes to be. I come across an interesting opportunity, I take it regardless of whether it fits into my plans and long term goals. I have come to realize that what I constantly say to others is what I should do myself as well. ‘Attend the lessons you deliver yourself’ is something you can often hear coming from me. When I started reconsidering my motives to tell to the people to go back to their goal, I have come to recognize my own need for it.

Kako ovo možemo da primenimo? Evo jedne praktične vežbe:

Step 1:

Over the following week, observe the opinion you have about others. Whenever you are annoyed by the opinion of others, write down what exactly is in their behavior that has annoyed you. Write down the opinion that you have about the people who are the closest to you. Maybe you have the potential to act in the exact same way yourself.


Step 2:

What advices do you give to the others? What do you tell them in order to make their lives better? Think about it for a second, whether these advices are the exact advices that you should be listening to. Sometimes we tell others what to do as a reminder for ourselves. Our subconscious is a very powerful thing.

Nikola Rajić
Dipl.Ing. of Organizational Sciences
Trainer and facilitator